Monday, September 24, 2012

How Baby B came to be!

I have gone back and forth as to whether or not to share the story of how Baby B came to be.  A part of me feels as though a public blog is not the place while another part of me cannot argue with the fact that the little miracle we will meet in less than 6 months has already brought more glory to God than I can possibly share and to keep that in would be an all-out shame.  The work God has done, and continues to do, in my and Chris’ life throughout our desire to have this little one has made an incredible impact on our relationship with our Lord and Savior.

I will tell you…

We were not a “we just stopped preventing and it happened like that” couple.

We were not even within the average of 6 months to 1 year.

Chris and I began “trying” about 7 months after we got married and cycled through a mix of emotions between “woo hoo, we are going to parents!” and “oh my goodness, is this the right time?”.  I was more the former, Chris the latter.  We were living in a tiny one bedroom apartment in Chicago but knew we would be moving in the Spring back home (or so we thought) as Chris had a job offer from a doctor near our hometowns.  

Also around this time, seemingly unrelated but oh so interrelated, I began to develop a desire to not only know I had a savior in Christ…but to know WHO he is.  I had not exactly been seeking a meaningful relationship with him, just content to know I was saved.  Nothing necessarily “happened” to make me crave a deeper knowledge of him, it just grew within me.  I shared this with my husband who, highly unsure of his faith and where he stood, did not respond the way I had envisioned in my head.  

You see, Chris is not the type of man who will do what others tell him or think what others think (which is one reason I love him so much).  He does not accept the in-crowds mentality and needs facts, figures, and research.  He considered himself a “Christian” but will now say he was not a “Christ follower”.   I remember him telling me “it just doesn’t interest me” when I asked him to study the bible with me.  The thing is, I KNEW this about him before we were married, I just wasn’t deep enough in my own faith to question it.
I had found a church I enjoyed in Chicago and Chris would go with me…reluctantly.  I remember feeling this silence in the car as we drove the 2 miles to the church on those Sunday mornings, praying my husband would find a desire to be there.  

There was one night, I was reading the bible and came across 1 Peter 3:1- 

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. 
I then realized I had been trying to soften my husband’s heart towards Christ in all the wrong ways.  God was not asking me to be the mediator between him and Chris.  He was asking me to simply walk my walk, in front of Chris, not drag him alongside me.  I also realized just how little I had put my faith in God in this area.  I did not trust him to reach my husband’s heart without me.  That was not a comfortable realization.  I also decided to stop talking at Chris, and start praying more for Chris.

I was amazed when, not so long later, Chris went from a man who wouldn’t go to church because he was on-call, to a man who shut off his phone when he was on-call so he wouldn’t be distracted from the sermon.  A man who began setting his alarm for Sunday morning.  A man who brought up the sermons to discuss.  Oh God…you are so GOOD!!

About 3 months after we started trying, Chris felt a tugging on his heart during a sermon we heard on “control”.  We had not been happy with the dealings of the contract with his possible employer but still had no other plans.  Chris, my type-A, planner extraordinaire, decided he did not feel he was meant to work for this doctor.  He told me his thought on this was “okay God…I am taking a leap of faith and this could make or break my faith with you.  So help me out here”.  With one email sent…he no longer had a job.  And we had less than 3 months to figure out where we were going.

Oh, and we were still trying to have a baby.

With 3 months having gone by with no positive test, I was disappointed, but not worried...yet.

There are optometrists’ jobs out there for sure.  But, the ones Chris wants, not as many.  He wanted to work in a medical based practice treating glaucoma, diabetic retinopathy, macular degeneration, etc.  We also desired to stay near family and friends and always loved Des Moines but had heard it was hard to get into as an optometrist.  

Well...3 weeks later, Chris had a job offer from a medical based practice in Des Moines.  About 1 month after that, we found a beautiful house smack dab in our price range and I had 2 job offers.  Both paid the same, both about same hours, both school based.  I took the job with Des Moines schools when all along had planned to take the other if offered.  I distinctly remember telling Chris “I just feel like I am supposed to take that job”.  So, less than 2 months after Chris’ big “leap of faith" God had caught us safely and placed us on more solid ground than we could have imagined.  This was just the beginning, but he got Chris’ attention for sure.

When we moved to Des Moines, I thought “okay, now I bet I will get pregnant!  God was just waiting for us to get established”.  But as we settled into our new home, jobs and community we realized we had been trying for 9 months and still no baby on the way.  
I started to worry.  I deeply desired for 1 of our 3 extra rooms to be filled with a crib and changing table.  I dreamt of my new, beautiful living room being filled to the rim with baby necessities.  But more than anything, I simply longed to start a family with my best friend and husband. 

September 2011 we began speaking with doctors. and over the next several months we would hear the reasons we had not seen those 2 pink lines on a pregnancy test.  Between October and January, we stood in a blur of medications, needle pricks, tests, and 2 surgeries.  We had to wait 3 weeks for this and 4 weeks for that.  We watched as countless couples around us announced their pregnancies, planned and unplanned.  

I remember feeling like God had simply forgotten about us.  And after hearing our current chances of conceiving naturally were “about 1%”  I stood frozen, wanting to collapse, but I felt as though I couldn’t even involuntarily move.  I turned within myself, instead of turning to God.  That “deeper walk” I was so sure I had developed, had disintegrated.  I badly needed a glimpse of His plan.  God didn’t owe me that glimpse, but He graciously delivered it to me in the coming months.

Chris' faith, on the other hand, was growing.  He had sensed the way God worked when he brought us out to Des Moines was seeking the Lord more and more.
From January through March, we were forced to wait and see if one of the surgeries was successful.  There was literally nothing else we could do but wait and pray some more.  
And while we waited God moved.  

Oh, how he moved!

We had been church shopping in our new area with some other friends for a long time and never felt a good fit.  We tried a church 20 minutes away and truly did like it more than any other, but preferred something closer.  We were blown away when we heard through the grapevine that that very church was going to be starting a church plant 5 minutes away from where we live.  Ok God…again, you are GOOD!

I emailed the new pastor to get some information and about a week later dragged Chris to a meeting with him.  Chris‘ faith may have been growing, but meeting with some random pastor was still not his cup of tea.  But after meeting Pastor Greg and having a wonderful chat with him about his hopes for the the new church,  we decided to definitely give this place a try and see what we thought.  

Chris and I attended the first service, held in the pastor’s living room with about 30 people.  Considering we had both been looking for a larger church, we were surprised to feel at home from day 1 and it didn’t take long before Chris began developing a friendship with our pastor.  One day,  I spoke with his sweet wife, Laura,  about how Chris was still on shaky ground with his faith, but God was doing big things in his heart.  She told me “Greg sees a lot in him and I think he definitely wants to reach out to him”.  I prayed that night Chris would do a bible study with Pastor Greg.  

About 2 weeks later, Chris came home and said, “So, I think I am going to do a bible study with Pastor Greg.”  Trying with all my might to contain my intense desire to jump up and down, I simply said “I think that would be great babe!”  I think I did jump up and down after he left the room though.

So as we waited the 3 long months for those results, I watched Chris come home from his bible studies and open his bible to study for an additional 30 minutes…and then an hour…and then there would be nights when I would be going to bed without him because he “really wanted to finish this part”.  

I was humbled.  I was thankful. I praised God for the immense love he has for us knowing He was doing a work in both of our hearts before making us parents.  My faith grew and Chris’ desire to learn more about Christ grew.  This was GOD’S work…not that of any human.  Not even me, ha!

The morning of March 26th I woke up, stumbled my way into the bathroom while Chris was in the shower.  It was from in there he said “Hey babe, something kind of cool happened last night”.  Wondering what in the world could have happened in the middle of the night, I groggily and semi-interested replied “Oh, yeah?  What’s that?”.  His response was beautiful-  “I accepted Christ last night.”

To say my heart bubbled over with joy is an understatement!  My already wonderful, sweet husband had been made new in Christ!  I don’t think I have ever felt more joy as a wife.  I loved that he had to even tell me from the shower because he wanted to tell me ASAP.  
You can read his testimony on his Facebook page ( for more details about that night and how it happened.  After all…it is his testimony, not mine.
He was so excited to share this news with others and God was not, is not, and will never be done with him.  I am more and more amazed at the husband God has blessed me with.  He has become an incredible spiritual leader, challenging me in my own walk with Christ and I feel so blessed by that.  

After the 3 months it took so see if the surgery was successful we received news that we were still where we started.  But, we had peace in knowing our awesome heavenly father always has and always will have our utmost best interest at heart- something I learned throughout this journey.  

Our fertility doctor was wonderful, talking to us about our options and not forcing anything on us.  We had been praying for clarity and guidance with seeking medical help and it all fell into place.  The first concern to be resolved was the question "is this really what God is calling us to do?".  We did not just want to move forward because we so desperately wanted a child- we knew that God had a wonderful plan and we wanted to line ourselves up to be a part of it. As we prayed and sought council, we just felt at peace about seeking medical help.  Neither of us felt conflicted and knew that God would have placed a stirring in our hearts had it not been what He wanted for us.  The second item to be resolved was financial.  Remember how I felt as though I was supposed to take the job with Des Moines schools?  Well, not only did they have free family insurance…but that insurance had amazing fertility benefits.  God set up the financing before we even knew we needed it!  And thirdly, timing!  A couple months before I got pregnant I was offered a job at a children’s hospital that not only allows me to work 16 hours a week if I choose when baby comes, but that 16 hours is enough to keep family insurance (something I need to earn for our family).  The insurance from my previous job would not expire for 5 months, so we would still be able to have the fertility benefits from that.  Also, God knew my desire to work part time as a mommy, and he provided a way just in time!

With confirmation after confirmation in place, we proceeded and waited to see how God would choose to answer our prayers.

During this waiting period, Chris took yet another step in his walk with Christ.  On Father’s Day, he was the first person to be baptized in our church! 

Chris sharing his testimony at church 

Chris being baptized by Pastor Greg
As I watched my husband publicly professing his faith in Christ, I kept thinking: “God, thank you! I praise you and am grateful for our fertility struggles!  You used this time, these circumstances to not only show me what it truly means to have faith in you, but you have drawn my husband to you!  That, in itself, is worth every single tear, every single heartache.  Just...thank you!”
If Chris and I had become pregnant when we first started trying, Chris more than likely would not have turned down that job and we would have not ended up in Des Moines.  And it is here God has met so many needs- spiritual, financial, emotional.  We would not have found High Pointe Church and a group of people who led my husband to Christ.  
I had stopped taking at home tests a long time ago because I couldn't take one more negative.  But, about 3 weeks after Chris’ baptism, Chris and I eagerly waited for the results of a blood pregnancy test.   Sitting on the floor of our bathroom, we listened to a voicemail left by my doctors office that said “Becky, we received the results of your test and can confirm that you are pregnant.”  
Tears...followed by screaming...followed by any and every positive emotion you can think of!  I had never, ever seen Chris cry like that! Ha! It was so awesome!  We didn’t know what to do with ourselves!  
We shared the news with our family and a few close friends.  One of those friends, Kristin, had a preganacy test and let me use it just to see it turn positive.  I halfway expected it to still say negative! 
Our very first positive pregnancy test!
2 days later...levels were rising just like we wanted and 2 weeks later we got to see our little miracle and hear that beautiful heartbeat!

Chris and I have never shied away from sharing our struggles.  Being open about it, we have met more people than we can count who have been able to encourage us with their similar stories of fertility struggles and God's grace and who we have been able to bless and to encourage as well.  I have even made new friends and reconnected with old ones.
If you are reading this and struggling with infertility, PLEASE let me know if I can pray for you!  We wore people out with prayer requests during our times of uncertainty and truly felt the power.  If you share something we with, I promise you it will remain between us.  My email is becky[dot]borgman[at]gmail[dot]com.  
God WILL answer your prayers.  In Psalm 113:9, we see this promise- He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!  However, we will never know how He will answer this prayer.  The answer will be different for each couple according to His awesome plan for your life.  But oh goodness, it is better than anything you or I can fathom!
I hope and pray, when Chris and I are faced with other uncertainties, we remember just how much God has and continues to catch us safely!  We are thrilled and overjoyed that we have a precious little one on the way, for sure.  But honestly, our growing relationship with our savior is by far the greatest joy!
So there it is, the story of how Baby B came to be!  I felt, and Chris agreed, we need to continue to share our story!  If 1 person finds comfort in it, praise the Lord!
But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asks you for a reason of the hope that is in you” 1 Peter 3:15